


Down

by DoctorFatCat



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Dependency, Drabble, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Showki, ShowkiMasterBingoChallenge, Toxic Relationships, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 07:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17803361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorFatCat/pseuds/DoctorFatCat
Summary: I love you, I loved you, and you loved me so much, that it was what took us down.Card BPrompt: Toxic Relationships





	Down

**Author's Note:**

> Written with the font Syncopate 10.5
> 
> I'm sorry?

You were my life.

I looked at you like you were my everything, and they said that was the problem all along.

They say it started when I got the promotion at work, and there was a change they were going to transfer me to Seoul. It wasn’t very far away from our house in Busan, no, but you didn’t like it. I knew you didn’t.

You ha said, back then, that it was because you were worried I wasn’t ready. You said it was up to me, but it wasn’t really.

I knew you loved me, but I wish you hadn’t needed me so much to make me feel like refusing the promotion was a good idea.

You said, back then, that you loved me and wanted to keep me safe. I knew you loved me. I know you did. I was too broken to see that was maybe the problem then.

It was all about you, really, but you made me feel like it was about me. ‘Everything for you, hyung.’ you’d say, and then smile at me like I was your whole world. That smile scares me to this day, because you were my whole world too.

And you still are, I wonder if that’ll change some day.

Minhyuk was the first one to point out I hadn’t gone out with my friends for a while. I told them it was because you were worried I could catch a cold during the winter. You just didn’t want me too far from you where you couldn’t make sure I wasn’t full of your love.

It hurts that I know you truly did love me, because that’s what ruined us.

You did, Kihyun. You were scared I’d find something better and leave you behind. You always were.

Your soft ways and nice words and smiles, the way you kissed me and held me and made me feel like I was the safest in your arms, until I felt unsafe everywhere else but there. It all broke me, when I realized it wasn’t right.

You made me feel like it was the right thing to do all that, like it had been my idea to do everything and anything you “suggested”, because that would make you happy.

When they took you away from me, when you cried and looked into my eyes and promised you loved me, it hurt me, because I know you did. And that’s what screwed us over.

Your love was toxic. Never aggressive, never violent, never exposed. That’s why it hurt to notice. You were perfect, you wanted to be perfect for me, and when you thought you weren’t going to be able to make it, you decided to lower my standards and make me scared of anything that wasn’t you.

I felt scared of the world because you convinced me I was only safe with you. I didn’t make progress because you made me believe I wasn't ready for change, that I could hurt myself, that I could maybe not be enough.

Kihyun, I loved you, I love you, and that’s why we need to keep apart.

How much more could you have broken me, and me allowing you to would just break you further.

I love you, I loved you, and you loved me so much, that it was what took us down.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading  
> Leave comments and kudos with your opinions please, and don't forget to check out the collection for other showki fics for the #ShowkiMasterBingoChallenge


End file.
